Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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