True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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