We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
