Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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