then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
