He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
