guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
