I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
