You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
