i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The convent might be a nice break from real life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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