my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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