i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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