Just mADE A PArabola og urine
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No subtext here. People are naked.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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