two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
