i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize