there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
