She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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