last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
