the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
