there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
bring money and cleavage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
