just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
