it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
