i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
