remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
