so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
