He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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