i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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