You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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