Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
