he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
