I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
