I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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