so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Too much gin, very little bucket
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
