I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
