Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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