Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
