Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
