Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
