He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
