Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
