i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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