I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
