Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
