I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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