You work out of a Hotel?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
