Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
