He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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