Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
