You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
