Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
