just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
