i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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