Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
