just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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