I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
worst night to have a conscience
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
