we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize