Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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