This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
