the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
