we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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