It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
that is very illegal...i love you.
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