so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize