Farmville is her only friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
