ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
