I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
