Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found puke in my bra..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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