Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
