Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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