i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize