I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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