there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
