then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and she was petting her beer can
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
