i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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