I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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