so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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