were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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