WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
