matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
