I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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