I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
